I nearly had a heart attack two days ago. An ex-boyfriend came to visit the country and expressed an interest to meet up with moi. My first reaction was OH MY GOD!!! NEVER!!! NO!!! NO WAY!! Isn't it suppose to be when it's over, it's over and we are never to look back????!!! So when he came calling in the name of 'closure', I thought to myself, "no way matey, you are so out of luck because I'm so not interested in entertaining past hurts"!!!
But I asked myself...."am I doing myself a disservice? Do i entertain his request and just meet the man"!!!! These thoughts were running through my mind....eenie meenie miny moe: "meet him" or "leave it"???? I texted my circle for opinions. All said a big resounding YES!!!!
Let me just revisit the past. According to him, I broke his heart (in my defense, he broke mine too!!). It was an on-off relationship, on again and off again for many years. It's like riding on a roller coaster!!! I didn't know whether I was coming or going!!! We definitely had issues. In fact, I ended the relationship a couple of times during our time together. He was a nice guy, witty, intelligent, not too bad in the looks department, but in the end, he simply didn't deserve me (the goddess - har!har!har!).
Anyway, enter BBF who had a thing or two to say about my closure-phobia. She insisted that I must see the guy because we (the guy & I) have "unfinished business" and we need to resolve our issues!!! According to BBF, closure is essential for growth. It is also about self discovery, inner peace, learning and development. BBF said closure will allow me to move forward into a new stage. Lack of closure can impede my growth. BBF can be such a smart aleck at times!!! To cut a long story short, I bought her logic and took the plunge.....
But I asked myself...."am I doing myself a disservice? Do i entertain his request and just meet the man"!!!! These thoughts were running through my mind....eenie meenie miny moe: "meet him" or "leave it"???? I texted my circle for opinions. All said a big resounding YES!!!!
Let me just revisit the past. According to him, I broke his heart (in my defense, he broke mine too!!). It was an on-off relationship, on again and off again for many years. It's like riding on a roller coaster!!! I didn't know whether I was coming or going!!! We definitely had issues. In fact, I ended the relationship a couple of times during our time together. He was a nice guy, witty, intelligent, not too bad in the looks department, but in the end, he simply didn't deserve me (the goddess - har!har!har!).
Anyway, enter BBF who had a thing or two to say about my closure-phobia. She insisted that I must see the guy because we (the guy & I) have "unfinished business" and we need to resolve our issues!!! According to BBF, closure is essential for growth. It is also about self discovery, inner peace, learning and development. BBF said closure will allow me to move forward into a new stage. Lack of closure can impede my growth. BBF can be such a smart aleck at times!!! To cut a long story short, I bought her logic and took the plunge.....
Meeting an ex after a long time was scary to say the least. I was fraught with nerves and anxiety.......couldn't slept the night before, had butterflies in my stomach and all that jazz. We met at long last over breakfast. To be honest, it was good to see him. We had a good time. What i know for sure is that dealing with a break up is hard but closure is definitely highly recommended....and when we (ex & I) said our final goodbye....we morhped into a new stage in our relationship -- friendship. I am done and I have moved on with my life. Yes, I will still think of him because if i am honest deep down there is still something there. According to my Guru a.k.a BFF.... it's normal and it's to be expected. I know closure is a good thing for me personally. This is the greatest gift that I have ever given me, myself and i. Closure is an invitation for growth, wisdom and regeneration. I am totally in a good place right now.
This entry is dedicated to BBF, Ns, Rx and family members near and far who gave me the courage and support to 'catch a tiger by its tail'. Thank you. I love you all.
p.s. I am asking Fate....anymore coming out of the woodwork????. bring them on baby!! I am ever so ready!! hehehe
This entry is dedicated to BBF, Ns, Rx and family members near and far who gave me the courage and support to 'catch a tiger by its tail'. Thank you. I love you all.
p.s. I am asking Fate....anymore coming out of the woodwork????. bring them on baby!! I am ever so ready!! hehehe
3 comments:
well written and well said.... Congrats.... very very brave.... hats off for you...... cheers
The entry was written with love for me and those who care for me. Love is important to all of us and so is the need for closure. I vow to surround myself with love and respect so that i will attract people who show me love and respect. Negative people will not be welcomed - a taotal closure!!! har! har!har!
Just read your entry on ‘closure’. It made me thing of something …that is ‘Closure Box’ (CB). That CB can be a real or a visualization one. What you could you do with that CB is put everything that he has ever given you in it and then write a short note, write why you think it ended and why you are glad. Also, remember to thank him and wish him a happy future (don’t hate him) – this is good for emotional energy and health. Then, place the box somewhere safe or bury it.
Not finish yet…..
I have another box. This is a box to celebrate a new beginning and to welcome a new positive future. This box is a ‘Positive Future Box’ (PFB). What you will put in that box is ‘secret’ to me. But one thing for sure is that now I am visualizing that you are slowly start putting lots of fun, good and positive things into it. One day, in the future make a bonfire with the box, we will sit together and then you can tell/show me what you have put in that box. ???
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