A New Beginning

Unbeknown to anyone, I have been feeling all sorts for the past week or so. I have indulged and have been enjoying my disenchantment all by myself....is it so worth it???

Well, it was 'fun' for a while but i am so not into self-knocking myself. There are other important things that could occupy my thoughts, positive things that can make me happy. I have always teased a good friend of mine, Rx whenever she is talking about depressing stuff to stop it and instead of dwelling on it to just wonder why a particular stand of tree by the roadside is dropping its leaves...it always made her laugh...bless her!!

I have learned a valuable lesson this week. It's so lonely feeling depressed. Its not a good feeling especially if you kept it to yourself...i think it can be dangerous and it can bring self-harm in the long run if it's not brought out into the open. The worst thing about it is no-one knew how you are feeling inside!!! I realise that talking to someone helps. You have to deal with your anger or depression in a positive way. I did....i spoke to my cat about it!!!! I think, the cat understood and it was extra loving to me. Ohhh, the love of this gentle creature is so unconditional...i am so honoured and humbled by it.

Anyway, it is a beautiful day....the sun is bright and the sky is blue. I am healthy and i have the means to indulge my guilty pleasures (see my entry-Oct 2007). I am grateful for the blessings i have in my life. I am here. I am blessed.

Random

Have you ever feel a sense of disaffection?. And yet you can't talk to anyone about it?!!! There are definitely some issues that disturb me, maybe its my fault and for what it's worth, I am sorry. Anyway, let me deal with this 'thing' in my own time, it will pass and i will move on. I have been telling those nearest and dearest to me that, anything that make you feel good is always going to be drawing in more. However, i can't seem to shake these feelings of inertia, alienation and dare i say it depression!! I seem to be ok on the outside, but on the inside..its such a mess!!!

Anyway, I have the right to feel disenchanted and angry if I want to! It's not a crime and I am not affecting those i love with my foul mood. I must say that i have been very controlled. I should pat myself on the shoulders for hiding this thing well from others.

Don't worry people...I shall be ok. This feeling will soon pass.